you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
