I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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