I CAN MOONWALK!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
