Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You left your underwear on the fireplace
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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