I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize