My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then my night got REAL pukey
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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