You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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