Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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