She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
