I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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