I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
