ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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