have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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