You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
