I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
