every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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