When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
