Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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