Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
