I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
