Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
there is puke in my bra ... again
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