Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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