if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
