spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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