everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
