There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
