hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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