I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
