Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
