I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
