they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
