I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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