I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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