Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
