Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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