I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
