so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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