This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
