Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
