I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
where does the pee come out of this thing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
