You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
