Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize