Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
