I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize