The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
