Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
