Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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