Where are you?
In a non slutty way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
