Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
