Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
