so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
