I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
either way he was missing a nipple.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize