She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
