I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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