we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
