He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
