When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
