We're like a lot better than the average bears
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
