pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
