Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We are two peas in an std pod
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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